Short shorts

Disclaimer: This post is kind of NSFW (not safe for work), but there’s no porno and whatnot here.

Recently, there has been something of a debate going around in the aniblogosphere about boobs, most of which is less of a debate than an excuse to post porn and say good things about it.  But I think you’re all missing the point.

Why do men like women?

Their boobs, right?




The short shorts they wear every so often?


Now you may say that I love short shorts because Mikoto always wears them.  That is true.  However, I have loved short shorts ever since I born into the hospital room where nobody was wearing short shorts.  All throughout elementary school, I stayed with the other little boys because the non-short-shorts-wearing girls wereso icky and had cooties.  I bet wearing short shorts would’ve changed that.

Middle school was better, and I got my first taste of girls wearing short shorts.  However, since they always wore the wrong kind of short shorts, they were still disgusting creatures who liked pink ponies and all forms of clothing except short shorts.  When I got to high school, I finally started to see both sides of the short short spectrum: the incredibly alluring and sexy “right” type of short shorts, and the butt-hugging fat-showing “wrong” form of short shorts.  Of course, there are those girls who refuse to even wear the wrong form of short shorts, but since they are so insignificant, I usually assume that they don’t exist.

You’re probably wondering by now what constitutes “right” and “wrong” short shorts.

Well, I can tell you for sure that most of you are in the wrong mindset about short shorts.  They are not supposed to be tight-fitting or up too high.  A search on Danbooru (NSFW) proves it.  So let me change this.  Here are some very, very painfully basic and elementary things that every person – male or female – should know about the “right” short shorts:

  1. They are not tight.
    I can’t stress this enough.  They should not be showing your buttcrack, cameltoe, etc. because that’s vulgar.  It’s not artistic, appealing, etc.
  2. They are made of cotton (or similar materials).
    Denim is sometimes also fine, but that stretchy crap isn’t short shorts.  It’s just that – stretchy crap.  If I wanted stretchy crap, I would… wait, I don’t want stretchy crap.  It’s just bad.  Really bad.  Bike shorts also fall into this category.
  3. They are flat across the bottom.
    Now this is hard to describe without any visuals, so I made one on MS Paint:
    Short shorts should not ride up on the sides.  That makes it underwear.  And underwear is not short shorts – it’s just plain disgusting.  People who like this type of short shorts claim it allows more leg to show through.  That’s obviously true, but it’s equally obvious that it also shows where the vagina is.  The shorts basically point to it.  Short shorts that go flat across the bottom leave much more room for imagination, allowing for a better viewing experience.
  4. They are not too short and not too long.
    Between seven and ten inches is fine.  Six to seven if the girl is short, and ten to twelve if she’s tall, but that’s pushing it for shorter people.
    Short shorts that are too short encroach upon the forbidden short short shorts territory.  If you’re in that region, you might as well sell your body, since that’s too short for normal wear and perfect length for whores (whores can wear things that short because people who visit whores are deranged men who aren’t interested in short shorts to begin with).
    Short shorts that are too long (past the halfway point between the waist and the knee) are half-short shorts – too long to be short shorts and too short to be plain shorts.  This leads to a very confused reaction from people who see these half-short shorts.  Are they supposed to be short shorts or shorts?  Make up your mind!  This confusion detracts from what little attraction these types of shorts could give.
  5. They must be on an attractive girl.
    Many times I see unattractive people wearing short shorts.  Yes, it makes them more attractive, but they are unattractive to begin with.  Negative times positive is still negative, okay?  (on that note, negative times negative is supernegative, not positive)

Now that I’ve laid down the basics for you, here are some examples (all 2D, because this is still an anime blog, right?):

These are bad short shorts.  They ride up, have some weird crap coming out of the bottom, and look like underwear.  Also, they’re denim.  If they were cotton, this would look better.  Of course, if they were stretchy crap, I wouldn’t have even put this picture on here.

These are ideal short shorts.  They are cotton (or at least look like it), flat across the bottom, perfect length, not tight, tan colored and have that border at the bottom.

Oh, that’s right.  I didn’t tell you my personal preferences yet.  Well, better late than never:

  • Color matters.  I like tan, white, and dark green colored short shorts.  Sometimes blue works, and usually that’s when it’s denim.  Though it’s my favorite color, black usually doesn’t work well.  It doesn’t really stand out, and black is the most popular stretchy crap color.
  • That border at the bottom (not sure what it’s called) is great.They give a definitive finish to the short shorts, boldly stating where the short shorts end and the legs begin.  Things like bike shorts and stretchy crap short shorts don’t have this, so the shorts look like part of the leg, leading to the appearances of things like cameltoes and buttcracks.  Short shorts that ride up on the side also don’t have this, but nobody cares about that kind of short shorts anyway.
  • The waist part is best without elastic.  This is getting really damn hard to explain, but uh… the best short shorts don’t have an elastic waist part.  You need a zipper and a button.  Of course, you can have great looking short shorts without this (Mikoto’s short shorts are elastic, I think), but it’s a great cherry to put on top of the short shorts cake.


30 Comments on “Short shorts”

  1. Scamp says:

    I disagree with the perfect short shorts. My evidence: Revy from Black Lagoon. They are those tight denim shorts but she pulls them off perfectly. Personally, I love denim short shorts more than your type, but short shorts in general are pretty damn awesome

    • fangzhao says:

      Gah, I hated Revy’s shorts (and Yoko’s and BRS’s and…). They were too revealing and didn’t really work for me.

      Though I guess that revealing part works with the show’s themes and setting. Hmm.

  2. You make Steve Irwin proud :<

  3. ETERNAL says:

    Ugh, I hate stretchy crap. Whether it’s on short shorts or anything else, stretchy crap is always just that: stretchy crap.

    • fangzhao says:

      Definitely. Though I really, REALLY hate it when I see a lot of fat people wearing stretchy crap.

      If you’re fat, you’re fat. Go work out at a gym or diet, and don’t fool yourself into thinking you look good in stretchy materials! It’s not attractive in the least!

  4. I completely agree with you on all of your parameters. Good taste, my friend. Also, as that last picture helps illustrate, a cute accessory (the belt in this instance) helps go that extra mile.

  5. Dop says:

    Somehow, this came to mind….

  6. RP says:

    I think that 2nd to last one is denim, unless it’s a canvas/khaki type of thing. Now, I’m a little confused when you say “cotton” since denim and khakis are types of cottons. Are you talking about the basketball shorts type of cotton? Either way, I agree with the 5 rules above, especially #1 and 5. Sadly, it seems like those 2 rules are broken all the time.

    • fangzhao says:

      Denim IS cotton, but I really can’t describe the difference in any other way… Maybe what I’m trying to say is “cotton except for denim and especially khaki.” (Khaki, both color and fabric, is great for short shorts, imo :D) Oh, and I think the second one is canvas/khaki. Denim is usually blue or black, right?

      Wait, aren’t basketball shorts made of polyester? I’m confused.

      Rule 1 is broken so many times. Heck, it’s almost become standard to see short shorts that fit too tight when it’s not half as attractive as looser ones. 🙁

      • RP says:

        Denim’s just a type of material (hope I’m wording that correctly), so you can dye it to make it look like any color, even khaki.

        Err, maybe I meant gym shorts, not basketball shorts. You know the kinds with stripes in the sides? I always thought they were the best looking short shorts.

        Heh, I think it’s always the most unattractive people who wear the skimpiest shorts.

        • fangzhao says:

          I still think those shorts are made of polyester or something like that. It just doesn’t look like cotton…

          In any case, I have little to no knowledge about what I’m talking about right now, so I guess I’ll just leave it as is…

          In general, the most unattractive people wear the most revealing clothes. Or maybe it’s that they catch the eye better than skinny people? :p

  7. mefloraine says:

    Actually, I really like your parameters. I hate seeing girls wearing shorts that ride up their butt. I’m glad to see that not all guys like to see that either.

    Just to note, some bike shorts do have the border at the bottom, but it’s made by the sewing and not intended to show up or flare out. (Sorry, just nitpicking.)

    And from the wearing perspective…got to love a perfect pair of short shorts. o/ (And hate a bad pair.)

    • fangzhao says:

      Yeah, shorts that ride up are wayyy unattractive for me. It’s trying too hard. D:

      On that note, why do so many guys sag their pants down so their asses are left hanging out? I’ve never understood that.
      What’s worse is when you have these saggers with belts on. Why do you have a belt on when you’re not using it?! 🙁

      Ah, I never knew that about bike shorts. Though if I think about it, you pretty much need that border for any kind of shorts/pants…

      Haha, that’s nice to hear! I hope more people feel that way – too many bad short shorts wearing people roam the streets nowadays!

  8. 2DT says:

    The Railgun girls seem to occupy all levels of the bottom-clothing spectrum. Mikoto likes shorts, Saten’s non-school outfits seem to consist mainly of capris and tight jeans, and Kuroko is pretty firmly a skirt-wearer.

    Uiharu wears those ugly muumuu-esque blouses that should only be worn by pregnant women. Seriously, somebody call the fashion police.

    • fangzhao says:

      I like Saten’s capris (maybe because they’re… short pants?), but Kuroko’s skirt is too mundane. I’d have to agree with you on Uiharu’s blouses. Pick something attractive to wear for once!

  9. npal says:

    So you hate women, you hate people in general, and you are repulsed by private areas… Good to know :p

    Well, I suppose at least you like shorts or something.

  10. Shance says:

    Low cut denim shorts is where we’re at. Seriously.

    Also, what’s with this fetish on short shorts you’re starting? You trying to denote “Biribiri Factor” by wearing them or something?

    • fangzhao says:

      Low cut denim… sometimes. I often see people wearing low cut denim shorts, but very rarely does it look good!

      “Starting”?! I’m just bringing out the short shorts-lover in every male. All guys inherently love short shorts – some just deny it more than others!

  11. glothelegend says:


  12. Gargron says:

    Gotta agree that those kinds of short shorts are damn attractive on attractive girls…

    • fangzhao says:

      Definitely. Both in anime and in real life. I’ve been checking out a lot of girls with short shorts recently, and I’ve discovered that girls are… attractive!

  13. Princess Bowlds says:

    This is hardly a possibility, but perhaps when Ed healed himself what he was actually performing was speeding up the body’s regular processes, hence instantaneously clogging the injuries. A side effect might be him maturing but also losing a few years off of his life-time. Or he just at last hit puberty.

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