How to anicon?

With AnimeExpo coming up in a month, I will now reveal to you that I am an anicon virgin.  Of course, that could be easily deduced, considering that on my About page, I clearly state that I got into anime last December.

Regardless, such is the case, and I’ve nothing to base my expectations of an anicon on (double repetition unintended, though funny if said out loud) except Lucky Star, Genshiken, and the random half-troll, half-real anicon posts of other anibloggers.

This post will be about what I believe will take place during an anicon (TROLLIN’).  Also, please tell me how to survive an entire anicon and if there will be hoards of Naruto-shirt-wearers so that I can easily fit in.

There will be a great number of obese Asian men

Because wherever there is an anime convention, there are otaku.  Otaku are always obese, messy Asian men with very expensive cameras.  I am also an obese, messy Asian man with a very expensive camera.

This will be quite the challenge to overcome.  The air will smell of the drenched sweat towels of these obese otaku, and it will be very, very humid.  I will bring two cans of air freshener, spray myself with cologne, and dress very lightly to dry and dampen the effects of this, but I doubt it will be to much avail.

Professional telemarketers are nothing compared
to the crazed people at anicon booths

If I learned anything from watching Lucky Star, it’s that…

  1. There are blue-haired loli otaku roaming everywhere in Japan, and I truly have a chance at some kind of 3D social interaction with a member of the opposite sex as long as I learn Japanese.
  2. Shopkeepers and people at anicons are insane.

The obvious solution to this is that I will bring no money.  If I am completely broke, I cannot be persuaded to buy anything.

There will be strange cosplayers walking around

There will be many, many cosplayers around, and about one in every thousand of them will look good.  Thus I need to prepare myself for the sight of failplay by wearing sunglasses that can easily deflect the ugly beams and fail lasers that undoubtedly emanate from these strange beings.

I can only hope that my Naruto shirt will not attract too much attention from these intensely scary people who would stop at nothing to attack me with their failplay!  It’s more eyecancer than my banner, for crying out loud!

Ideal situation, with minimal eyecancer and well done costumes.

Other anibloggers will attack savagely

This is a particularly troubling affair.  I certainly don’t want somebody to ruin my beautiful, radiant face with a punch.  However, since I am going with three other people, I think that I’ll be fine.

Yet there’s always the chance that a group of mad anibloggers will travel together, recognize me in my Naruto shirt, and attack when my three comrades all go to the restroom simultaneously.

I am no Akagi.  I cannot afford to take this risk.  Therefore, I will cosplay as Ink Nijihara, and hopefully attract a crowd of fanboys.  This crowd will deter any would-be attackers from making an attempt on my face.

My battle plan looks something like this.

With this battle plan in hand, I don’t think that Anime Expo will scare me anymore. I will overcome this anicon and emerge victorious, figures and manga in hand!

tl;dr: How to anicon?

7 Comments on “How to anicon?”

  1. glothelegend says:

    Okay seriously. I’ve been desperately looking for Electromagnetic Girlfriend and I can’t find it anywhere.

    Also, you’re dead on with that cosplay ratio. Only one of every thousand actually looks good. Of course, I’ve never been to an anime convention ever, so I base this fact on absolutely nothing.

  2. glothelegend says:

    EDIT: I have since discovered where to find Electromagnetic Girl, and am happy.

    The End.

  3. IcyStorm says:

    Yer gonna be at Anime Expo? Let’s meet up (with other anime bloggers and Twitter pplz).

    I also stopped reading after the first few paragraphs and just skimmed through and looked at the pictures.

  4. CCY says:

    There will be a great number of obese Asian men
    Obese Asian men only attend obese Asian cons in obese Asian countries.

    If you see anyone Asian at an American convention, they are probably faking it. Especially if they claim their name is “IcyStorm”. Whoever that is.

    But seriously, teenage fangirl >> obese Asian otaku in terms of danger level.

    There will be strange cosplayers walking around
    Well, no. Most cosplayers walk about five feet before being stopped by a horde of people asking for a photo.

    I saw a girl at Fanime ’08 dress up as some open-shirt Devil May Cry character, cleavage and all. I saw her 4 times in roughly the same place as I walked back and forth across the hall.

    If I am completely broke, I cannot be persuaded to buy anything.
    Correction: If I am completely broke, I will have to take out loans, give sexual favors, and sell items on my person after having been persuaded to buy things.

    Other anibloggers will attack savagely
    …with their genitalia. (Especially if you are Ink.) Wait, sorry, I think I’m only gay for lolikitsune-kouhai. You’re safe.

    Except for the glomping, but as usual you can punch me in the face.

    Well, it’ll be my first AX, so I’ll echo Icy’s call for an aniblogger meetup. Hope to see everyone there!

  5. CGF51 says:

    Mio cosplay almost as much rage as this

    Also GL, you should try comiket someday.

  6. fangzhao says:

    @glothelegend: (late) It’s also called Denpa no something something!

    @Icy: I might be able to stop by for a while and meet some of you guys, but I definitely can’t stay around that long. Plus I’m a lot less social IRL, and I’m excessively handsome, so I’d have to run before my crowd of groupies try and talk to me. But seriously, I’ll see what I can do.

    – God damn it. I guess I’m white, then.
    – I guess there’s more danger to the cosplayers than to us, eh? But really, it must suck if you actually cosplay well – you wouldn’t really be able to enjoy the anicon! (Maybe that’s why we see so many shitty cosplayers!)
    – I guess I’ll put away this pepper spray…

    @CGF51: That pictar is lol. +1

  7. I am also an obese, messy Asian man with a very expensive camera.


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