Ambivalence, or is it ambiguity?’s 300 Milestone Grand Ceremony blah blah

Posted: June 16, 2011 | Author: flomu | Filed under: Meta-ish, Misaki Thursday |14 Comments »

This post is also known as “a rather weak excuse to make a list post” because every aniblogger knows how easy it is to make list posts. Over at Ambivalence, or is it ambiguity?, Valence and co. were celebrating something really trivial and unimportant that I didn’t care about.  And in this moment in their insignificant lives, all three of the authors decided to name Madoka Magica as their choice for “Best Execution.”  I wrote a little bit on Madoka last week, but if you didn’t care about that long post (I know I didn’t), here’s the short version: Madoka Magica doesn’t deserve best execution.  I don’t even think it deserves any execution.  Come to think of it, there weren’t even any executions in the show.  So in my blind rage at this defiant act against all that is just and holy in the aniblogosphere, I decided to make this post.

Warning: SPOILERRIFIC!

Caption to the caption: This was my attempt at being Jesus159159159.  Sorry.

Good Side

Best Storytelling: I’m pretty sure this means “Best Plot,” so I’ll go with Baccano.  I have my Anime-Planet anime list open on the left side of my monitor and arranged by rating.  Out of the 5-star anime, Baccano was the only one that was constantly gripping and interesting, so I guess that means the plot was good.  To tell the truth, I don’t remember much about the show, except that it was about immortal mafia mobster gangsters and I thought that was really cool.

Best Execution: That time Lelouch died.  Wait, that was a planned assassination.  What about that time Nagisa died?  Wait, that was a dream.  Well, what about that time Kamin- I guess I can’t go that far. I’ll just settle for Light and L.

Underrated Award: Alien Nine.  Episodes Four.  Rating Four Point Five.  Upside-down Calculator Five-Three-One-Eight-Zero-Zero-Eight.

Best Protagonist: Mikoto Misaka.

Best Antagonist: Mikoto Misaka.

In-Your-Face Award:

MIKOTO MISAKA

Heartwarming Award: For some reason, one-and-a-half of the three authors over at that blog I mentioned in this post title but won’t directly mention again because its title is too long and contains a question mark said that CLANNAD ~After Story~ deserved this award.  @fkeroge said:

What made give CLANNAD After Story should be pretty obvious. It’s one of the very few TV shows to make me cry my eyes out, as well as the only anime where I completely felt for all the characters.

What he (?) means is that he completely felt for this character too:

I’m pretty big on cats, but they have fur and shit and that makes me really allergic to them.  One time in sophomore year of high school, I was working on an English presentation at my friend’s house, and he had a dog.  Though this dog was very dog-like, its fur was cat-like and there was fur everywhere and it made me sneeze a lot.  One of my group members was dramatically reading Shakespeare to the furry cat-like dog in the driveway and the other two had found lightsabers and were dueling in the front yard.  And I was Asian and decided to stay inside and type up the stupid script we had to make for the stupid presentation while all that stupid dog/cat fur was flying in the stupid air and homing in on my stupid nose. We got the best score in the class for the presentation. So I choose CLANNAD ~After Story~ because you can never have too many tildes.

Nerdtastic Award: I take this means “most weeaboo shit you like that you’d never want to be seen in public watching.”  In that case, it’s a tie between Moetan and Strike Witches!  If my parents saw me watching this, they would probably destroy my computer and my precious anime figures and my dakimakura and my onaholes.  Okay, so maybe I haven’t gotten to those last two, but if I watch more weeaboo junk like this and K-ON, I’d get so weeabooified that people would start making Visual Novels about me and the life I would be wishing for.

that paragraph was so meta it’s crazy

LMAO Award: Youngsters these days make these crazy acronyms and whatnot… Let’s see here, LMAO should stand for L Best Anime with an Acronym Title, right?  imo this award should go to Hetalia: Axis Powers.  iirc that stands for sth like “worst franchise ever made in history ever.”

Abbreviations can make the easiest thing look like total and utter shit.  Somewhere out there, there is a class that teaches math 100% symbolically.  I feel for you, confused students in that class somewhere out there.

Critique of the Norm Award: Most people like K-ON!.  Most people are normal.  Therefore K-ON! is normal.  K-ON! is also bad.  Therefore bad is normal.  By simple logic, I can assume that ‘critique of the norm’ means ‘something actually worth watching.’

In that case, Dennou Coil and Baccano.  I tend to rate things based on two things: my opinion, and my opinion.  The difference between opinion 1 and opinion 2 is pretty obvious.  Anybody with half a brain would be able to tell that opinion 1 is whether I myself like the show and that opinion 2 is whether I believe others would like the show.  I like Eureka Seven and Seto no Hanayome more than Dennou Coil and Baccano, but I believe that these two anime are shows that would appeal to pretty much everyone.

Biggest Surprise Award: I was really shocked when I found out that Kyubey was an alien from space and that Homura was a time-traveler who saw Madoka die so many times and that Madoka wished for witches to all disappear!  I was similarly surprised when Sayaka turned into a witch and Kyouko died trying to kill her.  I was also shocked that Mami died at the end of the third episode!

In retrospect, I think I wouldn’t have enjoyed Madoka Magica ONE BIT if somebody had told me all of this beforehand.  I’m so glad nobody spoiled the entire plotline for me!

Eff Ishihara Award: I had to google “ishihara.”  I don’t really care about the ban or whatever because only nerds and weeaboos and loser otakus watch anime, you stupid lame virgins.  Why don’t you go find a girlfriend, you antisocial noob?/

Best Sequel Award: To Aru Kagaku no Railgun! was a magificent sequel.  J.C. Staff did a decent job with the first season, but it was a good idea to hand the project over to a joint team of Kyoto Animation, Gainax, and SHAFT.  One of the reasons I didn’t like season one that much was Kuroko’s voice.  I know they were going for a semi-annoying and bold character, but it got on my nerves…  In the end, I think Norio Wakamoto was really the better choice for voicing Kuroko, Saten, and Uiharu.

I liked Eureka and Renton’s cameo in episode 15, as well as Misaki and Satou’s appearance in episode 28.  Though these characters are from different series, their introductions seemed natural.  The episodes they took up weren’t filler episodes, but the plot moved along seamlessly.  Also, I believe these character tie-ins indicate that Bones and Gonzo might work on the third season of Railgun.

Speaking of the third season, I can’t wait for it!  It’s coming out next Spring, so you better all watch it!

Squidtastic Award: Talk about vague award titles.  Seriously guys, what were you thinking?

Cruelty and Blood Award: I’m going to go for a really predictable choice here – I’m sure everybody has heard of it.  The anime I’m thinking of stars a girl (I’ll just call her Makoto Itou) in a relationship with a boy (Kotonoha Katsura).  Later in the series, a childhood friend appears (Sekai Saionji).  Sekai goes mad and kills Makoto.  Katsura discovers Makoto’s body and confronts Sekai on the school rooftop.  Katsura takes out the saw that Sekai used to kill Makoto, and uses it to kill Sekai!  Then Katsura takes out Makoto’s severed head and cuddles with it on a boat.

That’s right, folks – it’s Kare Kano!  It was hard to sit through the first twenty-five episodes, but I’m glad I finally got to the cruel, bloody, gory ending!  It was surprising enough when all of the minor characters died when terrorists attacked the school, but the part where Tonami got stabbed in his right eye, shot in the stomach, and beat up by a gang of thugs really took the cake.  I was especially disturbed when Yukino broke the fourth wall and got the director of the anime to fire the seiyuu who voiced Tsubasa Shibahime (Haruko of FLCL) and Rika Sena (Nia of TTGL).  It’s astounding how bad these seiyuu were before they were actually trained and tried to sound like women instead of a bunch of drunk hobos pissing into bushes.  The last shot of Arima was especially interesting.  After all that gore, I expected at least one character not to die a grisly death, but I guess I was wrong!

Best Ending Award: I really liked the Angel Beats ending.  It displayed the heartbreaking profoundness of life.  Orange haired dude passed on the gift of life to Kanade, while Kanade has been watching over Otonashi Orange Hair for the entire series.  I bawled my tear ducts dry as that orange haired guy expressed his love for Kanade as she was disappearing.

Some idiots in the aniblogosphere were complaining about how it didn’t make any sense, blah blah blah.  You poor souls just don’t get it, do you?  It’s not about making sense or about carrying anything close to “meaning.”  Angel Beats is above petty nonsense like that.  It’s about the heart, where the soul is.  If you don’t have the heart to feel the profound nature of this incredible masterpiece of an ending to this seminal work of art that will be remembered and praised for hundreds of generations, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Why care if the first twelve and a half episodes are plagued with terrible characters, bear no semblance of plot, and are devoid of any meaning that could prevent this show from being shown to patients in a mental facility?  It really doesn’t matter if the ending is so tear-jerkingly melodramatically heartbreakingly melanchollically sad.

P.S.: I forgot the Unforgettable Award.

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