On how I categorize anime

Posted: June 16, 2009 | Author: flomu | Filed under: Uncategorized |16 Comments »

So basically, I sort anime by three factors:

1. How much I want to see another episode
2. How good a series is
3. Kannagi

Using these three things, I have devised six.5 different categories of anime.

1. Kannagi

Anything Kannagi-related is automatically deemed awesome beyond reason.  There is no room for argument here.

Some anime that fall under this category
Kannagi, Kannagi DVD Special, Kannagi S2, Kannagi S3, Kannagi S4, etc.

2. Trainwrecks that don’t stop

Anime that have obviously deteriorated into piles of meaningless, plotless, or downright rotten cow fodder, yet still make me wait for each new episode with the same excitement that I got after watching Kurokami episode 1 fall into this category.

Some anime that fall under this category
Code Geass, Jigoku Shoujo, Vampire Knight

A note about Jigoku Shoujo: Although each episode may have been new and managed to present another person’s troubles, the end result is almost exactly the same every single time – almost as repetitive as Enma Ai’s speech.

3. I must be an idiot to put this off

And I mean it.  There are some shows that I know, for a fact, are damn good, yet I still hold off on watching them.  Despite all my rambling on about how Hatsukoi Limited is the best show this season, I still manage to watch everything else before starting on the latest episode of awesome.

And it’s not just limited to airing shows.  I know that each and every episode of Moetan is enjoyable (and not just for the lolis), but I have no motivation whatsoever to go ahead and watch an episode.  I have no idea why.

Some anime that fall under this category
Hatsukoi Limited, Moetan, Sora Kake Girl, Maria†Holic

3.5. I must be an idiot to drop this

There are some shows that I, like many others, have raved about, said incredible things about, and generally expressed my feelings of “oh wow, that’s awesome” about, yet have eventually dropped.  After a few episodes of Sengoku Basara, I decided that rewatching Haruhi was a better use of my time.  After sticking with Pandora Hearts to episode 8, I let my anti-Oz, “Pandora Hearts is actually pretty boring without AoShen’s crapsubs” sentiments take over.

I honestly think that Sengoku Basara, Pandora Hearts, etc. are interesting and pretty good anime, and I might even recommend them to people who come asking, but my motivation to watch another episode isn’t just zilch.  It’s in the negatives.

Interestingly enough, this has never happened to me with old series.  Maybe it’s because I have an entire series neatly packed in my Anime folder – once I get into it, I just want to finish it, if not only to make all that time getting the series worth it.  Or maybe it’s because I only go for old series that have been deemed masterpieces by everybody.  Though Kimikiss came pretty close to being dropped – I even fell asleep during the final episode.

Some anime that fall under this category
Sengoku Basara, Pandora Hearts, Phantom

4. In it for the Fail?

I’m sure that you’ve all watched at least one anime just because it fails.  There is a certain charm to bad anime that appeals to me (and probably you?).  Perhaps it is the thrill of seeing how shitty an anime can turn into, or perhaps there exists an innate desire for failure in people who have overloaded on epic win.

Or maybe I just like to laugh at bad anime.

Some anime that fall under this category
Akikan!, Saki, Kurokami, Chrome Shelled Regios

Note that I’ve dropped Kurokami and Regios because I simply can’t bear any more failure from them.  Kurokami, especially.

5. I’m not worthy!

There are bad anime, decent anime, good anime, and great anime.  And then there’s the anime that shine out like beacons of awesomeness that every small anime wants to become when it grows up.  The win is strong in these few select series, yet they vary from the genre of epic sports anime to the genre of epic romance/drama anime to the genre of epic comedy anime to the genre of epic slice-of-life anime.

Yet one thing is clear: all of these anime deserve to be worshiped.  Mushishi literally threw me upon the ground after every episode, forced to acknowledge the sheer epicness of the show.  The awesome 21 episode CLANNAD ~After Story~ made me cry a river while on the ground in worship.  I was certainly not in despair as Zetsubou Sensei forced my body to lie flat on the floor in its presence.

If you’ve been watching shitty anime all your life, don’t go for any of the anime in this category.  One day, you’ll find yourself watching reruns of over nine thousand, and the next day, you’ll find yourself in the hospital.  Your eyes will be watering like Tomoya’s, your mouth will be smoking Ginko’s mushi, and your arms will be moving back and forth in a thrusting movement to the image of Krauser in your mind.  Your hands will be strumming Koyuki’s guitar, and you’ll start treating nurses and doctors like talking white tigers.

Some anime that fall under this category
Mushishi, Hayate no Gotoku!, Beck, Clannad, Zetsubou Sensei, Detroit Metal City

6. MY EYES

Some anime are so intense, so incredible, so amazingly awesome that they burn holes through your eyes and out the back of your head.  These anime contain a secret substance known as “epic failure” that, when ingested, makes you move through walls like Chiaki and much, much more.

I can’t believe I managed to get through more than two seconds of any one of the shows in this category.  I’d rather go gar for Kyon than rewatch any of these.  There is not a single positive aspect of any show in this category.  Anybody who likes Mecha Mote Iinchou is either gar enough to take a hit from the epic failure cannon or insane.

Each and every anime that happens to fail so hard that it manages to squeeze itself into this category deserves to be censored more than Queen’s Blade.  They are so damn bad, it’s not even funny anymore – literally.  I had thought that I could laugh at Mars of Destruction, but everything about it was downright terrible – from the random plotline to the retarded outfit to the classical music.  Hell, it was so bad that I couldn’t speak for half an hour afterwards, much less laugh.  Tears streamed down my face as I tried in vain to lift my fingers to the Alt and F4 keys, but the epic failure on-screen strapped me to my chair.  I felt my hands turning to stone, my tears crystallizing on my face.  Thank God it ended when it did.  I’m sure I wouldn’t have lasted another minute.

Higurashi was scary?  Apparently, you haven’t seen Isshoni Training!
Jesus Christ, I pissed my pants when I saw that!

Some anime that fall under this category
Training with Failako, Hetalia Axis Failures, Mecha Fail Iinchou, Mars of Failure

This has been another episode of “let’s hear fangzhao’s meaningless thoughts!”

Tune in tommorrow for more failure!

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