I contest this top ten waifu/husbando crap

Posted: June 18, 2009 | Author: flomu | Filed under: Uncategorized |12 Comments »

I’m sure that you’ve all heard of the “top ten waifu/husbando” poll results.  Well, anybody could tell you that it’s a huge pile of bullshit.

The “Official” poll

Female characters

1. Akiyama Mio (K-ON!)
2. Katsura Hinagiku (Hayate the Combat Butler!)
3. Aisaka Taiga (Toradora!)
4. Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach)
5. Nagato Yuki (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)
6. Nakano Azusa (K-ON!)
7. Chrome Dokuro (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!)
8. Sheryl Nome (Macross Frontier)
9. Hirasawa, Yui (K-ON!)
10. Soryu Asuka Langley (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Male characters

1. Hibari Kyouya (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!)
2. Sakata Gintoki (Gintama)
3. Hitsugaya Toshiro (Bleach)
4. Rokudo Mukuro (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!)
5. Okita Sougo (Gintama)
6. Date Masamune (Sengoku BASARA)
7. Sawada Tsunayoshi (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!)
8. Kurosaki Ichigo (Bleach)
9. Sebastian Michaelis (Kuroshitsuji)
10. Hijikata Toshiro (Gintama)

Here’s what the masses actually voted for:

Female characters

1. Hinako

Who wouldn’t vote for this beauty?  She’s perfect in every aspect!

You prefer 2D girls?  Hinako’s a 2D girl!
You prefer 3D girls?  Hinako used to be a 3D girl, so… yeah!

She’s got the boobs, the pigtails, the mahou shoujo anime role, and the sexy “hourglass” figure that all men desire.  Pile on some dojikko qualities, lots of flashing, and three countless outfits in her wardrobe, and you’ve got yourself a goddess among goddesses!

2. Enma Ai

Let’s face it.  Men are either lolicons (99%) or too gar for lolis (1%).

So if you put some sailor fuku on a loli, give her supernatural powers, and let her out into the world, you’d get some pure win.

Enma Ai even dodges the entire moe debate.  She is clearly not moe in the traditional sense, yet her loli body implies some sort of moe that moe supporters would love.

3. Nami Hitou

Sometimes, reality beats out everything else!

A normal girl is realistically the only kind of girl an otaku can get, and who better to portray normality than Nami?

4. Misuzu Kamio

Sometimes, confusion beats out everything else!

I’m pretty sure that after watching Air, a bunch of people cried/felt depressed and did not know why.

But hell, does it even matter?  Just go for Misuzu and forget about her sudden, confusing dramatic last moments on earth!

5. Yukiji Katsura

When all else fails, go for the woman with the mole.

She drinks beer, teaches students next-to-nothing, and lives at school.  You’d have to be superhuman to go through life in such shitty conditions!

6. Charady

Her uber-CG figure is overflowing with CG.  In other words, she looks awesome and doesn’t afraid to tell painfully bad jokes!

You’ve got to hand it to her – at least she’s not crying on-screen, lamenting her shitty role!

7. Woman from Hanasakeru Seishounen

She is a rich, spoiled girl who has a bunch of equally ugly extremely beautiful men chasing after her.  She loves tigers and her eyes are almost as big as the Powerpuff Girls’ eyes!

Um… yeah!  Ain’t she a beauty?

8. Suiseiseki

Desu?  Desu desu?  desudesudesudesudesu?

desu!

Now make like a Danny Choo and blog about the most uninteresting, retarded, and useless subject dollfies for the next few years!  Because existing blog popularity allows good [arguably bad] bloggers to start blogging about shitty topics!

9. Suigintou

Since we’re on the topic of female doll characters and since I found an epic picture of Suigintou, have at you!

Shana should have won.

10. Any girl from Higurashi

Because tsundere isn’t the only appeal, you know.

Male Characters

1. Makoto Itou

What more could you want from a guy?  He gives a girl what she wants, no matter who she is!

I’m surprised there isn’t a religion revolving around this manly man!

2 – 10: Nobody

Nobody can match up to the sheer manliness and godliness of Makoto Itou.  He is the supreme man among males.  He is the ideal male human being that all men aspire to be.

His actions speak louder than his words.
His pants speak louder than his actions.
That’s pretty damn loud.

But in all seriousness, here are my personalized lists:

Female Characters

1. Mikoto Misaka
2. Shana
3. Nagi
4. Kyonko
5. Yotsuba (I AM NOT A LOLICON)
6. Maho Minami
7. Konata Izumi
8. Haruhi Suzumiya
9. Kagami Hiiragi
10. Kallen Stadtfeld

Male Characters

1. Kyon (Haruhi)
2. Mikot…a.  Yup, Mikota.
3. Kyon (Haruhi S2)
4. Tomoya Okazaki
5. Kamina
6. Hayate Ayasaki
7. Nozomu Itoshiki
8. Ryuuji Takasu
9. Yuu Himura
10. …Krauser II.

I couldn’t think of a tenth husbando off the top of my head, so I have succumbed to my inner death metal, M-man sentiments.

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