how to win the aniblog tourney

As the future winner of the aniblog tourney, I feel like my one-sided victory won’t be much fun.  Thus I’m here to help all you pushovers put up at least a decent fight against me.  In this post, you’ll read all about the intricacies and strategies of winning my contest.

First off, let’s see what people have been trying so far…

How to Lose

1. Put up a post that summarizes your blog

Yeah, I’ve seen all you losers do this.  You think that’s going to get people to vote for you?


You’re all assuming that the people voting in the Aniblog Tourney are good, decent people who will give both blogs of a competition a fair chance.  Take a look at reality.  This is a dog-eat-dog world where the strongest and craftiest survive, and if you have the time to be playing Open House, you’re not going to live for long.

2. Be humble

Let’s be honest here.  This tournament isn’t about how good your blog design is or how well you write or how friendly a person you are.  So don’t treat it as such.  You have to be aggressive.  It doesn’t matter if your blog is amazing and unique – if you’re humble, you’re done for.

To be humble is to have the wrong mindset about the tournament.  You have to believe that your blog is the best in the competition (of course, with me in the competition, that’s impossible).  If you think you’re going to lose, you’re going to lose.

I used to play Maplestory, a 2D side-scrolling MMORPG.  I was in a guild.  The guild had a competition, and in the end it was me against my friend.  I voted for him because I thought I was going to lose… and guess what?  He won by two votes and he got $30.

I really wanted that $30.

You have to have the $30 spirit.  You need to feign weakness so your opponent will vote for you and then vote for yourself.  You need to feel like you’re going to win, and you need to do whatever it takes to get there.

3. Analyze the tournament


(on a random side note, the bottom of Kleenex tissue boxes says “blow it loud and blow it proud”)

Nobody wants to read your sissy analysis of the game when everybody else is fighting to win.

If you saw a pile of gold at your feet, would you take the gold, or would you go home and type about the pile of gold?

If you were starving on a deserted island with three other people and saw some fruit on a tree, would you grab for the fruit, or would you go home and type about the fruit on the tree?

If you were on Mars and saw aliens armed with laser guns shooting down your comrades while you were holding a gigantic bazooka, would you shoot the bazooka at the aliens to save your life or would you go home and type about the aliens?

I think the answer is pretty obvious.

How to Win

1. Put up a post that says “vote for me!”

Yeah, I’ve seen all you winners do this.  You think that’s going to get people to vote for you?


What more incentive do readers need than a big fat “VOTE FOR ME!” ??  It’s preposterous to think that readers need anything more than that to go and vote.  You know why Scamp (and co.) urged against this completely lawful tactic?

Because it worked.

My minions dutifully voted for me against Shit Storm, and I won.  53RG10’s lackeys dutifully voted for him, and he won.  Hanners’s readers dutifully voted for him, and he won.

It’s a tried-and-works-like-a-charm technique, and Scamp just wants more pageviews.

2. Blackmail other bloggers

“I voted for you, so you better vote for me.” is a great way to ensure that you get some votes.

Of course, if you have some extra tools at your disposal, it wouldn’t hurt to use them (see fig. 1).

Figure 1

3. Seduce Scamp, RP, and/or mefloraine

If you’re having trouble in the polls, go straight to the guys in charge!

I’m sure you’ve all seen today’s Aniblog Tourney post by now.  If not, click the picture above and take a look.

If you’re female, I’m sure Scamp or RP would be easy to take down.  Just do a little fake webcamming, and they’ll be at your beck and call.  If you’re male, or undetermined like me, you can go for mefloraine.  She put up a fight, but I won her over with my smooth moves, muscular body, and incredible personality.  mefloraine was happy to write up my winning post today.

4. Vote for yourself more than once

What, you mean you’ve been only voting once?  HAH.  No wonder you lost!

I voted for myself on my desktop, my phone, my friend’s computer, and all the computers at the public library and my school library.  How the hell did you think I win, anyway?

Heck, nobody actually comments on my blog.  My “readers” are actually myself!  I make separate wordpress accounts and comment on my own posts and jack up my pageviews by going to the library after school every day!  I’ve set my blog as the homepage for all the computers at the library, and the hits just keep on coming!

5. Win

If all else fails, just win.  It’s not that hard, really.  I’ve already won this year, but I’m sure you can win next year.

27 Comments on “how to win the aniblog tourney”

  1. mefloraine says:

    Oh, fangzhao, you are so muscular, smooth, and charming. Please seduce me more! I’ll even add art to your next victory poll!

    Next year I shall be sure to follow this advice. Humility–what was I thinking?!

  2. Caraniel says:

    I’ve clearly been going about this all wrong, no wonder I’m losing! >.<

  3. chii says:


    this post rules. made me laugh quite a bit. XD

  4. Shinmaru says:

    I knew I should have worked on my seduction skills in college …

  5. If I had known you were competing, I would have asked to be taken off the rolls. 2nd place is the first loser after all and I’d rather not subject myself to such ignominious defeat by the likes of someone as awesometacular as you.

  6. Ruby says:

    OH GOD LOL this post was too funny XD!!!!!
    I love this blog 😀

  7. Animenz says:

    Best troll post ever…
    you have my vote 0/

  8. kluxorious says:

    mission accomplished

  9. Kitsune says:

    haha Excellent advice!

    If you think you’re going to lose, you’re going to lose.

    This is very true in life in general. Always aim for the gold – those who want bronze don’t get it.

  10. Kairu says:

    “I voted for myself on my desktop, my phone, my friend’s computer, and all the computers at the public library and my school library.”
    What the hell man. Who the fuck would do that. (Though I think I would do that if it isn’t my summer vacation at school wwwwwww)

  11. Scamp says:

    I like how on the ‘seen all you winners do this’ you’ve hotlinked yourself on ‘winners’.

    Also, hurrah for fangzhao trolling again~

  12. Yi says:

    Gotta start trying these out!

  13. Bass says:

    Lol pure epic.

    Words of wisdom indeed

  14. Netto says:

    I’m sad. I’m really sad.

    I can’t win or lose! ;_;.

  15. Shance says:

    Looks like someone here is making an appeal to lose.

    Not that I mind cocky people. Just the troll in me speaking.

  16. Impz says:

    Hahaha, this is a funny post. Here’s hoping you will win, and I am quite sure you will thrash us if we meet. So let’s not meet :P.

  17. RP says:

    Hmm, I may have to employ some of these tips since I’m losing right now… but wait, how can I seduce myself? Aww ffffuuuu-

  18. […] really cool podcast series, who are actually beating me pretty handily so far.So I’m testing Mikotoism ’s tourney strategies (or whatever -ism it is these days) to turn that tide. Akihabara Haruhi is very unhappy that […]

  19. Guy says:

    Very amusing. Really love the photo at the top.

    Voting more than once though shows you care too much. Meh.

    As for #2, I wouldn’t trust you, both because you admit to being untrustworthy, and cause they can’t confirm you really voted for them 😉

  20. kevo says:

    I’ll need all the strats I can get

  21. Canne says:

    This is the best Tourney-related post so far!
    And thank you for reminding me that I had been too humble and that I have known who would win 😉

  22. fangzhao says:

    vote for me because I make funny posts sometimes

    also I will vote for you, I promise

    [this is what happens when I don’t feel like replying to all of your comments]

  23. glothelegend says:

    Well, I’ll give it a try.

  24. NovaJinx says:

    Well, gunning for victory in a competition like this reminds me of that saying about internet arguments and special olympics.

    Also, this is basically like Saimoe. If people don’t know the competitors, they won’t do research. They just vote for whichever looks better. So I’d say the blog design actually has quite a bit of impact on the results here.

    But this stuff was prolly written tongue-in-cheek anyway, so never mind that.

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