Kurokami 12: Taking “Confusion” to a Whole New Level

Posted: April 1, 2009 | Author: flomu | Filed under: Uncategorized |3 Comments »

FAIL-O-METER
The fail here is as bad as Mt. Everest is tall.  There is so much failure here, I found myself laughing throughout the entire episode at how damn bad it was.

The sheer amount of illogical reasoning and confused scenes is mind-boggling.

In this post, I’m just going to list off the parts that…

1. Don’t make sense.
2. Display illogical reasoning.
3. Are confusing.
4. 1, 2, and 3 are the same thing and this is just a filler line.
5. Just show incredible amounts of failure.

FAILURE #1: Reishin has Alzheimer’s

I’m pretty sure Kuro actually means “I came here to live.”

If I’m not mistaken, Reishin killed everybody in the Holy Land except for Kuro and Yakuma.

“You should have remained in the Pure Land” means “I’m a gigantic faggot who can’t remember that I killed everybody back home and if Kuro stayed there, it would have been pointless anyway because I destroyed the Holy Stone too.”

I know the line is for dramatic effect, but it doesn’t make sense in any way whatsoever!

 

FAILURE #2: Dango Daikazoku

[Click on the pictures to see the fail in all its glory.]

“Since dangos were in CLANNAD, and since CLANNAD was popular, then dango faces must be a great idea!”

Uh… yeah, not really.

At least they’re not spending a lot of time on this anime – they probably realized it sucks majorly by now and refuse to do anything in detail anymore.

 

FAILURE #3: Blurry lines show action!

So basically a colored background with blurry lines appears twice in this episode: Once when Kuro and Reishin are fighting and once when Yakuma is fighting the random men in black suits.

The background is an obvious indicator of action.
Too obvious.
=> annoying.

I don’t really want to see a random background.
Even the Dragon Ball Z franchise, with its pretty boring fight scenes, delivered non-randomcoloredblurry backgrounds during battles.

I don’t think we really need a background that screams “HERE IS ACTION LOL” and/or “THIS SHOWS SPEED BECAUSE BROWN ROCKS AND DARK OBJECTS ARE WHIZZING BY SO FAST THAT THEY TURN INTO A LIGHT GREEN”

It’s completely useless, except that it saves time drawing backgrounds.

 

FAILURE #4: Let’s all pull a Touma!

So Touma of Index was infamous for giving random speeches full of meaningless crap (aka “FRIENDS R GOOD”) in the midst of battle.

Likewise, Reishin also talks a lot during battle.
Honestly, I don’t think anybody wants to hear Reishin lecturing Kuro on how to treat Keita in the middle of a battle.

Not only is it annoying (why again do characters talk during battle and delay the action?), but it’s also confusing and illogical.

Reishin is the enemy.   That means he’s the bad guy.
Kuro wants to kill the bad guy, and Reishin even says that he won’t hold back.
Therefore, they both want to kill each other, correct?

This implies that they would not try and help the other gain an advantage, right?
Giving advice to the other side is essentially the same thing as helping the enemy, right?

Combine all of this, and you get:
Villains should not give advice to the protagonists.

So does Kurokami 12 follow this?  Hell no! 

After a few minutes of careful consideration and lots of yapping, Reishin finally decides that a melodramatic line by Keita automatically registers the douchebag as “heroic” and beyond his original title of “half-wit.”

What does this mean?

Well it means either that Reishin is a good guy and likes Kuro or that he is a complete madman who doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about, or even why he’s talking about it.

 

FAILURE #5: Jump off a ledge and drift to the ground

In the same mindset as Akikan!, Kurokami also pulls off a “this-defies-the-laws-of-physics” scene worthy of the title “epic failure.”

When Kuraki is talking to Reishin, he is standing on top of the dome (sadly, I do not have a screenshot of this).  As Kuraki is doing his speech, the camera goes away from him, and then to the scene above ^.

As you can see, Kuraki is standing inside of the dome.
Yes, Kuraki.
Yes, inside the dome. 

Now Kuraki ain’t got no Cucco here, so how did he manage to get down from the top of the dome?
The top of the dome is probably at least 100 – 200 feet high, and Kuraki seems to be physically unharmed, so a suicide attempt after seeing how bad the rest of this episode was jump from the top of the dome can be ruled out.

The only thing I can say is “wow,” really.

 

FAILURE #6: Pointless poses are pointless.

Steiner punches his fists together, a classic animeesque display of strength.

…and then he stays like that.  For more than just a couple frames.

So what makes this pose so valuable to the success of the Synchro?
Absolutely nothing.  It is useless, it looks retarded, and… well, it’s useless.

Yakuma somehow manages to end up looking like this after owning all those mysterious men in black suits.

I can understand how his left arm ended up like that – he punched somebody.

So how did his right arm end up going up?

Even if this is an anime and battle scenes occur in alternate dimensions with blurry lines in the background, enemies do not come flying from directly above.  Since all of the enemies are wiped out, there is no possibility that Yakuma’s right arm was blocking a hit to the back of his head either.

Yakuma wasn’t punching somebody flying at his head from above, and neither was he blocking a hit.
Basically, the arm is there for no apparent reason, and Yakuma’s just showing off his BO or something.

 

FAILURES #7, 8, 9, … n…

This entire episode was jam-packed with failure.  I thought I had seen it all with the passage of Akikan! 12, but Kurokami 12 was just as bad as the final episode of Melo-melo… MELON!, if not worse.

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