Why my blog sucks: an OBVIOUSLY objective look at my blog and blogging in general in a post with a very long title that ultimately will be used to support an amazingly pointless argument

Posted: May 24, 2009 | Author: flomu | Filed under: Uncategorized |16 Comments »

This is the pinnacle of my faggotry: with nobody else to troll, I turn on myself and will eventually succumb to my own trolling nature, causing this blog to implode, setting off a chain reaction of blog explosions which will ultimately destroy the aniblog community as we know it.  In the confusion, I will take control of Dannychoo and become a legend[ary retard].

tl;dr: This is a cynical post about aniblogging.

 

Bad blog name

Who the hell cares for a blog named “Mikotoism?” After since To Aru Majutsu no Index ended, nobody except me even remembers who Mikoto is.  Thus until To Aru Kagaku no Railgun comes out, “Mikotoism” is a failure title for this shitty blog.

The history of my blog title

1. One day, I wanted a new blog
2. I made Mikotoism spontaneously
3. ????
4. FAILURE 

Without much thought, I just dubbed this blog Mikotoism.  Who the hell would do that?  If you really want viewers to come back, give ’em a blog name that stands out, not some shitty “Mikotoism” crap.

It’s almost as bad as a blog with only Japanese characters for a name!  Who’s going to remember that?!  I bet there ain’t one single blog with $@)*@!) (pretend those were japanese characters) for a name that has more than the one hundred views from the ten-people-who-actually-understand-japanese-and-read-english-aniblogs.

 

Copypasta theme

Look at this shitty theme.  Mistylook?  You kiddin’ me? Just about every wordpress.com aniblogger uses this theme.  It makes this blog look like a huge piece of plagarised junk.  And don’t go pointing out the obvious in that last sentence – I know I’m unoriginal.

If you’re trying to get some viewers, you don’t go pick the most standard wp.com theme for your blog.  It doesn’t hold your readers’ attention because everybody who’s nobody has that same exact theme, and you ain’t standing out at all.

http://twitter.com/Mikotoism/status/1868589974

 

Badly-planned posts

Look at this shitty post.  There ain’t a single picture at the top to attract viewers.  Who’s going to read this crappy post if they ain’t interested by some awesome picture at the top?  Readers don’t like massive blocks of text, you know!  You have to have a ton of pictures so that people will actually read a few lines!

Oh, and what’s up with the title?  Long ass title that nobody cares about.  If I saw that on Anime Nano, I’d just skip over the thing because it’s too damn long to read.  Who the hell cares about your stupid titles?  Desperately making a title of a post fit the post?  Shameful.

Inserting some random shit at the top?  What the hell is that supposed to do, purposely deter would-be readers?  Is anybody really going to be interested in this post if all I have before the break is a random paragraph that has is nearly entirely non-sequitur?  Hell no.  I, for one, wouldn’t read this post if I was offered money to.  Instead of a picture at the top, there’s a random block of text that doesn’t do shit except take up room in a failed attempt to attract viewers.

 

Bad sidebar

Look over to the right and tell me what you see.

That’s right – a shitty sidebar filled with numerous widgets that nobody cares about.  Hit counter, RSS feed, recent tweets, recent comments, blogroll, categories, DC feed, and blog aggregator promotions.

• Hit counter?  That’s just there for me to reveal the extent of my e-peen.  Does anybody except me really care about how many hits I get?  No way.
• RSS feed.  Well, do I really need to put up a link to feedburner?  Hell no, because it’s pretty damn useless.  I’m just doing it because everybody else is.
• Tweets.  I guess people could click on it and subscribe to me on twitter, but does that matter?  Nothing I say on twitter is even informative or interesting anyway.
• Recent comments are for fags.  It’s just saying “LOOK AT HOW MANY PEOPLE VISIT MY SITE AND COMMENT.”  As if my hit counter wasn’t enough already…
• My Blogroll is up there for people with larger e-peens than me to link back to me.  I obviously do not read the blogs on my blogroll.  I just put them up there for the bloggers to feel obligated to link back to me so I can achieve a larger e-peen.
• Categories are the only thing that viewers really care about.  My category list is too damn long, so it defeats the purpose of having a category widget.
• DC feed.  I don’t even go to dannychoo.com that much.  The site is too confusing.  Yet I still have his feed up on my site for Mikotoism to appear on otaku.fm.  I am such an e-peen hoar.
• Blog aggregator promotions.  A few weeks ago, I had four times as many link icons.  I realized that they were completely useless in my neverending quest for internet fame, so I cut them.  Now it’s even more obvious that nano, blips, and otaku.fm are my sole sources of hits.

 

Useless pages

I have three pages: About, Blogged Series, and Mikotoism.

The About page is obligatory.  Every blog in the world HAS to have one, because everybody wants to know how old you are, how smart you are, and your sexual disposition.  Sadly, I do not show any of those three in my about page, so it’s pretty much useless except for bragging rights (“I HAVE AN ABOUT PAGE SO I’M A PRO BLOGGER LOLO”).

My “Blogged Series” page is pretty useless.  I originally intended for it to be an index of episodic posts for people who watch the episode later and wonder what I felt about it.  Good concept, but shitty execution.  Nobody reads this blog, so nobody really cares what my feelings are about specific episodes.  Besides, 99% of the “episodic” posts I’ve listed on that page are troll posts and/or useless posts.

Finally, “Mikotoism.”  This has got to be the most useless page on Earth.  Besides attracting views (8th most popular post/page), it’s completely and entirely useless.  Nobody cares about it, and I myself have only seen it three times: once right after I typed it up, and twice to comment on comments people made.

 

Lack of a good author

Look at me.  My sense of humor is drier than the Sahara Desert.  I don’t know what dry humor means or where the Sahara Desert is, but the point still stands that my futile attempts to get people to laugh are just that – futile.  I don’t know the first thing about humor, only that it’s supposed to make people laugh, and mine clearly doesn’t.

My posting is erratic.  This ain’t an episodic blog, but I type up countless episodic posts that nobody cares about.  I also type up pointless essays like the one on Kyon.  Some of my posts have two words, and some of my posts have over nine thousand.  I can’t play the meme game, either.

I try desperately to get e-peen, even at the cost of blogging for myself.  I blog for you guys, my readers.  I make sensational titles and rant about stuff just to get people talking and commenting on my blog so I can feel very special.  I don’t actually think that Akikan! was bad.  Hell, Kurokami is one of the best anime I’ve seen to date!  Mars of Destruction should be hailed as the greatest animated work of the past century, and the century to come!

Come to think of it, I don’t even blog for fun.  Blogging for me is a hassle.  I hate blogging more even than I hate watching anime.  I hate watching anime.  Anime sucks.  Except Mars of Destruction.

This post in a nutshell:
I make short comments about blogging in just about every other post I do. I thus decided to collect all of my thoughts on blogging and mash them into one themed post for the hell of it. The end. Or as many anime like to put it, fin.

Disclaimer for any people who did not realize my epic trolling skillz, yo:
This post is obviously a gigantic product of my troll mind. Most of this isn’t true, but most of it is directed at blogging and its good and bad parts.

I actually think this post turned out really well.  THIS IS EVIDENCE OF HOW AWESOME I CAN BE, GUYZ.  IM ACUALY A GENUIS DEEP DOWN INSYD [but really, I think that this, the Kyon post, and my “top 5” post are the best things I’ve ever posted]

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