{"id":4321,"date":"2010-03-06T15:11:18","date_gmt":"2010-03-06T23:11:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mikoto.wordpress.com\/?p=4321"},"modified":"2010-03-06T15:11:18","modified_gmt":"2010-03-06T23:11:18","slug":"short-shorts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/flomu.net\/blog\/2010\/03\/short-shorts\/","title":{"rendered":"Short shorts"},"content":{"rendered":"

Disclaimer: This post is kind of NSFW (not safe for work), but there’s no porno and whatnot here.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Recently, there has been something of a debate going around in the aniblogosphere about boobs, most of which is less of a debate than an excuse to post porn and say good things about it. \u00a0But I think you’re all missing the point.<\/p>\n

Why do men like women?<\/p>\n

Their boobs, right?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

No.<\/p>\n

Vaginas?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Nope.<\/p>\n

The short shorts they wear every so often?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

YES<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Now you may say that I love short shorts because Mikoto always wears them. \u00a0That is true. \u00a0However, I have loved short shorts ever since I born into the hospital room where nobody was wearing short shorts. \u00a0All throughout elementary school, I stayed with the other little boys because the non-short-shorts-wearing girls wereso icky and had cooties. \u00a0I bet wearing short shorts would’ve changed that.<\/p>\n

Middle school was better, and I got my first taste of girls wearing short shorts. \u00a0However, since they always wore the wrong kind of short shorts, they were still disgusting creatures who liked pink ponies and all forms of clothing except short shorts. \u00a0When I got to high school, I finally started to see both sides of the short short spectrum: the incredibly alluring and sexy “right” type of short shorts, and the butt-hugging fat-showing “wrong” form of short shorts. \u00a0Of course, there are those girls who refuse to even wear the wrong form of short shorts, but since they are so insignificant,\u00a0I usually assume that they don’t exist.<\/p>\n

You’re probably wondering by now what constitutes “right” and “wrong” short shorts.<\/p>\n

Well, I can tell you for sure that most of you are in the wrong mindset about short shorts. \u00a0They are not supposed to be tight-fitting or up too high. \u00a0A search on Danbooru<\/a> (NSFW) proves it. \u00a0So let me change this. \u00a0Here are some very, very painfully basic and elementary things that every person – male or female – should know about the “right” short shorts:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. They are not tight.<\/strong>
    \nI can’t stress this enough. \u00a0They should not be showing your buttcrack, cameltoe, etc. because that’s vulgar. \u00a0It’s not artistic, appealing, etc.<\/li>\n
  2. They are made of cotton (or similar materials).<\/strong>
    \nDenim is sometimes also fine, but that stretchy crap isn’t short shorts. \u00a0It’s just that – stretchy crap. \u00a0If I wanted stretchy crap, I would… wait, I don’t want stretchy crap. \u00a0It’s just bad. \u00a0Really bad. \u00a0Bike shorts also fall into this category.<\/li>\n
  3. They are flat across the bottom.<\/strong>
    \nNow this is hard to describe without any visuals, so I made one on MS Paint:
    \n\"\"Short shorts should not ride up on the sides. \u00a0That makes it underwear. \u00a0And underwear is not short shorts – it’s just plain disgusting. \u00a0People who like this type of short shorts claim it allows more leg to show through. \u00a0That’s obviously true, but it’s equally obvious that it also shows where the vagina is. \u00a0The shorts basically point to it. \u00a0Short shorts that go flat across the bottom leave much more room for imagination, allowing for a better viewing experience.<\/li>\n
  4. They are not too short and not too long.<\/strong>
    \nBetween seven and ten inches is fine. \u00a0Six to seven if the girl is short, and ten to twelve if she’s tall, but that’s pushing it for shorter people.
    \nShort shorts that are too short encroach upon the forbidden short short shorts territory. \u00a0If you’re in that region, you might as well sell your body, since that’s too short for normal wear and perfect length for whores (whores can wear things that short because people who visit whores are deranged men who aren’t interested in short shorts to begin with).
    \nShort shorts that are too long (past the halfway point between the waist and the knee) are half-short shorts – too long to be short shorts and too short to be plain shorts. \u00a0This leads to a very confused reaction from people who see these half-short shorts. \u00a0Are they supposed to be short shorts or shorts? \u00a0Make up your mind! \u00a0This confusion detracts from what little attraction these types of shorts could give.<\/li>\n
  5. They must be on an attractive girl.<\/strong>
    \nMany times I see unattractive people wearing short shorts. \u00a0Yes, it makes them more attractive, but they are unattractive to begin with. \u00a0Negative times positive is still negative, okay? \u00a0(on that note, negative times negative is supernegative, not positive)<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Now that I’ve laid down the basics for you, here are some examples (all 2D, because this is still an anime blog, right?):<\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/a>These are bad short shorts. \u00a0They ride up, have some weird crap coming out of the bottom, and look like underwear. \u00a0Also, they’re denim. \u00a0If they were cotton, this would look better. \u00a0Of course, if they were stretchy crap, I wouldn’t have even put this picture on here.<\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

    These are ideal short shorts. \u00a0They are cotton (or at least look like it), flat across the bottom, perfect length, not tight, tan colored and have that border at the bottom.<\/p>\n

    Oh, that’s right. \u00a0I didn’t tell you my personal preferences yet. \u00a0Well, better late than never:<\/p>\n